No one needs the avalanche of news reports about sexual harassment and sexual assault to know that it is very real and that it happens every day, everywhere. It happens in schools, in the workplace, in churches, in social situations, and sadly for many, even at home. Is there a single adult in the room who did not know that sexual misconduct is rampant? The endless charges against public figures expose our hypocrisy and complicity. We knew, but before now, we turned a blind eye. Let’s not have this conversation when another is more relevant and productive. We must define appropriate behavior for both men and women as well as what constitutes sexual assault.
Rape is easy to define. NO means NO and any inability to say YES (such as not being of the age of consent, inebriation or a position of power of one person over another) means NO. Other forms of sexual misconduct may not be as clear. When does flirtation become sexual assault? Does all touch beyond a handshake require consent? Can there be implied consent between adults? What about a pat on the back or a hug between friends or coworkers?) Are the rules for men and women the same? What about teens? Thanks to mother nature, it does not require much to give a young man an erection.
Sexual harassment dictates that when ‘A’ is uncomfortable with the behavior of ‘B’ (behavior not deliberately aimed at ‘A’), ‘A’ has a responsibility first to voice their discomfort. Only when ‘B’ ignores ‘A’s’ objection does it rise to the level of a sexual harassment complaint requiring administrative action. We must define what constitutes sexual misconduct and do so very quickly before the lives of many good men are destroyed.
Why would I, a survivor of gross sexual assault and debilitating sexual harassment say this? Because sexual misconduct is real and must be dealt with dispassionately. We must do this if not to avoid, then to reduce the number of sexual misconduct allegation becoming weaponized.
Too many women falsely allege that their spouse committed sexual abuse in child custody cases, and thousands of more women seek temporary restraining orders based upon false allegations. The upshot is that fewer allegations of incest and physical abuse are believed, meaning fewer women and children receive the protections they need. In the same vein, unsupported allegations of sexual misconduct will diminish their validity. One cannot solve a problem not deemed valid.
dottieriley 