His name was Theodore John Moxley born Sept. 19, 1977, and he was my youngest son. Tod was a beautiful boy with dark blond hair, green eyes, and dimples. His personality can only be described as effervescent, and everyone loved him except his teachers at school. Tod simply could not be contained or controlled. That, unfortunately, is a trait shared by many highly intelligent people.
There is nothing Tod wanted more than the love and approval of the most significant men in his life- his father and his older brother, but he was never able to find either. His older brother alleges that he made peace with Tod in the years before his death, but I know that is not how Tod felt. We last talked about his older brother a month before he died.
When Tod gave his heart, it was completely and without reservation. He loved me and adored his wife. He loved people- all people regardless of race, religion or economic status. His friends included people from all walks of life. More than anything, he was a comic who made others laugh and a listener who made others feel important. In short, people loved being with and around him. He was incredibly beautiful in body and spirit.
My oldest son was envious of Tod and my relationship with him and called him “my golden boy.” Michael did not understand that it is easier to express love to someone who accepts and returns my affections. I love Michael too, but it was and continues to be hard to cut through the layers of resentment.
Tod was deeply troubled. His father rejected him from birth to the age of 15 and then made his love and approval conditional. That wounded him deeply. Tod’s response to conflict was to escape through drugs. Before he turned 18, my reaction was to place him in rehabilitation centers whenever I knew he was using, but little did I know that the close friends I trusted to help him outside of treatment were the ones supplying him with drugs. No, I do not see Tod through rose-colored glasses nor do I blame others for his failures. His missteps in life were as big as his personality.
What surprises me is how people loved him when he was alive and continue to love him today even though he is gone.
dottieriley 